Back to School

As a kid I *loved* school. I couldn't wait to buy new school supplies. The beginning of the school year was a clean slate, a fresh start, another opportunity to strive for perfection. I organized and re-organized my binders and back-packs a million ways.

I was an excellent student. I achieved good grades with little to no effort. My teachers all generally liked me, and school was just natural for me.

After graduating the relatively selective magnet "academy" where I attended high school I was offered several academic scholarships to a few prestigious universities. Being young I decided to stay home for college. I told my parents it was because I thought the local university was as good as any I was accepted to (please!). The truth was that my boyfriend was here, and I wasn't going to leave (I do deserve a little credit here, we did get married and are still very much in love).

The first few semesters of college were much the same as high school. I put in no effort and walked away will all A's. Then I accepted an internship in the U.S. Senate. I moved to D.C. for several months. Jake and I took some time apart (which I think was necessary for the success of our relationship). But by the end of my internship we were back together and engaged.

When I came back to Las Vegas everything seemed different. I had a taste of the great big world, I was engaged to be married, I had my first real job and taking classes at a local university just didn't seem as important. Working and earning real money became more and more of a priority. After all, I had a wedding to plan and we wanted to buy a house, start a family. Life just kind of happened. Three months after we got married I was pregnant, and school just didn't seem like an option at the time.

Fast forward to now. My wonderful employer has offered tuition assistance so long as your degree is in your work field. I decided I had to take advantage of this opportunity. Sure, it meant abandoning a degree I had almost finished for one in Public Administration, but it's paid for. Public Administration, through my work at the court, has become a field that I am passionate about and it would still allow me to go to law school.

So here I am again, at the beginning of a new school year. My books are ordered, schedule is made. But this time things are different. I'm not eager with anticipation. It doesn't feel like a fresh clean start. I'm scared. This time I'm going to need to put in effort. This time if I fail, it's not because something happened, it's not because I got my first real job, not because I was planning my wedding or discovering motherhood. If I fail this time, it's because I didn't work hard enough, study hard enough, prioritize correctly. I'm scared because I know I can no longer get by on general knowledge without doing the reading or studying for tests, or even on my good people skills. I'm scared to find out that I might not be as good of a student, as smart, as dedicated as I always thought I was, as I always liked people to believe I was.

So wish me luck. At the end of August my re-entrance into the world of higher education will begin. I will work hard, actually read and study like I never have before (literally).